When we learned that the wife was pregnant we ventured out a book store and gathered up some reading material. I’ve been slowly working my way through a couple of books as things progress. I will admit I’ve lost a little bit of interest in them over time because I feel like I’m getting hit with the Stupid Bat occasionally.
A couple of gems so far:
- If your wife get all hormonal and irrational and then yells at you it’s OK to just yell back. You’re not Ghandi!
Are you fucking kidding me? This woman is carrying my child. I raised my voice when giving her directions from the passenger seat the other day, a bit angry that she was talking over me, and I still feel like shit over it because it upset her. What idiot would tell a man to yell at his pregnant wife? Moron.
- Around this time (4 months pregnant) some men go out and buy firearms, sensing a need to protect the family. Thankfully most of them sell them before the child is born.
You can imagine I see a lot wrong with this. Now, I don’t like the idea of somebody running out and buying a gun without thinking the whole thing through, but I really hated reading this in the book. One would think the author would delve into safe weapons storage, where to get training, etc, but he doesn’t. He just dismisses it like it’s entirely irrational to want to defend your family with the best tools available.
Are you fucking shitting me? There’s a reason the male brain kicks into protection mode when the wife gets pregnant. She’s about to start waddling around like a penguin and after that she’s gonna get torn from V to A during the birth. She isn’t exactly able to flee a violent encounter. After the baby is born there’s another one in the nest that can’t flee either. I don’t want to sound all Ted Nugent-y here, but there are times to embrace that inner cave man and listen to him. That cave man instinct is right. Don’t ignore it.
Hell, I’ve got that part taken care of but I still see new threats every day to the safety of my child. I swear the wife wasn’t more than 2 months pregnant when I realized that the TV stand in the basement had to go. It’s possible that a toddler could pull it on themselves. Maybe. Kinda. I got a bit nutty about cribs when we were picking one out, wanting it to be as safe as possible. Hell, I plan on wrapping the crib up in netting to make sure no cat sits on the baby’s face and smothers it. Don’t even get me started on blankets and crib bumpers. Things you never thought about before start jumping out at you.
Oh, would it surprise anybody that the author of this particular book lives in Berkeley, CA? Yeah, didn’t think so. I should replicate the section where he talks about picking out a last name for your baby. Even he admits that he’s probably been living in Berkeley too long in that one.
Hey Justin:
With our first I went as far as to put Styrofoam around the fireplace (Raised stone slabs in front) Plastic protectors in every socket, locks on every cabinet door, etc… By the time the second came along. Well the Styrofoam was gone.
My advice (like you need another moron telling you what’s best for your family) is this. Look at what your friends are doing. What doors they baby proofed and when. I promise for the first year an a half of your child’s life she/he will not be able to open a fully closed door (They can open doors that are left ajar). Baby proofing is an on going thing. I also promise that by age two your child will find make a mess of / destroy / completely mangle something you would of never thought of. Also, half the stuff you baby proofed, the kid never ever will show interest in.
So bottom line: Babies rock and will make you go WTF!?! Spend as much time as you can enjoying your confusion, rather than trying to prevent those classic WTF moments.