Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

An Old Joke

June 3rd, 2008

Bruce’s most recent post reminded me of an old joke.

Some friends were sitting around playing poker and one of them noticed that Harry had some really small hands. They gave him a little ribbing about it and Harry said, “You know, I’m not exactly proud of it, but they are awfully small. I wonder if I’ve got myself a world record here for the smallest hands?” It was at the time that Frank spoke up and said, “You know, I’m not exactly proud of it either, but I just might have the smallest feet in the world.” After a brief silence Dick spoke up sand said, “Well… I’m really not proud of this but I just might have the smallest dick in the world.”

So, the three of them agreed to head into town that Saturday and head to the local Guinness World Record’s office for proper measurement.

Frank goes in first and he comes out just a dancing, “Heck yeah, man! I got the world record for the smallest feet!”

Harry heads in next and comes out a short time later clapping and smiling, “Woo hoo! I got the world record for the smallest hands!”

Dick shuffles off into the office and comes back a few minutes later with an awful scowl on his face. His friends ask, “What happened, Dick? Did you get the record?”

Dick responds, “No and who the fuck is Justin Buist!?

Okay, so you usually don’t use your own name for the punch line.

Heh.

May 13th, 2008

I see your drunken crutch wielding Darth Vader and raise you a DUI suspect that asks the cop to scratch his nuts. Repeatedly.

Ugh, one of these days I’ll learn to preview my posts and scan for HTML errors.

It’s Always My Fault

April 29th, 2008

Today Theresa and I are driving back from the grocery store when the following exchange occurs:

Theresa: Did you just fart?
Justin:Uhm, no.
T: Are you sure? It smells.
J: Yes, I’m sure! I’d tell you if I farted. You know that.
T: It smells like shit!
J: It wasn’t me! (I look left, I look right. We’re on a bridge.)
J: Honey, we’re driving over the Grand River.

We had the exact same exchange about 2 weeks ago which made it doubly funny for me.. Same bridge, just going the other direction.

For those of you not from the area: The Grand River gets polluted with human waste whenever the water levels get high enough. It’s spring here, so they’re kind of high, so the river smells like shit because it’s full of it.

Hillary in Bosnia

March 26th, 2008

Say Uncle and Les Jones don’t seem to think Hillary’s claims on taking sniper fire upon landing in Bosnia in 1996 are true.

I guess they haven’t seen the actual video from the event:

On H&K…

October 9th, 2007

Larry Correia reminds me why I don’t own any H&K products: Because I suck, and HK hates me.

Teaser:

By the way, our cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns like the G3 and MP5 are the bestest things ever, and totally worth asinine scalpers prices, but note that cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns from other countries are commie garbage. Not that it matters, because you’re civilians, so we won’t sell them to you anyway. Because you suck, and we hate you, but we know you’ll be back. We can beat you down like a trailer park wife, but you’ll come back, you always do.

Buy our stuff.

Sincerely

HK Marketing DepartmentHK. Because you suck. And we hate you.

If Lewis Black were to write a bit on HK it’d sound a lot like this.

Halo Humor

September 25th, 2007

300 spoof:

’300′ Halo SpoofFor more of the funniest videos, click here

Super Retarded Dog

May 7th, 2007

I saw this video Saturday over at a friend’s party. The girlfriend was sitting right next to me.

Guess what she shouted out upon the apperance of Super Retarded Do on the screen? Was it:

  1. That’s our dog!
  2. That’s Justin!

If you said #2 then get yourself a cookie.

It’s My Birthday

April 12th, 2007

So, here’s a video of Kermit the Frog covering Nine Inch Nail’s Hurt:

Heh. Indeed.

February 20th, 2007

Personally I think DreamWeaver needs to develop a way of shocking the “designer” if they use the <blink> tag in addition to the warning but I tend to be overly harsh.

This makes me wonder what nimrod at Microsoft came up with the <marquee> tag.

Just For Fun

December 5th, 2006