I’ve been doing this blog thing for nearly 7 years now and a few years ago I made the conscious decision to tone it down a bit. Getting engaged, married, and then having a kid sort of naturally mellowed me out a bit too.
Except in one area, but at least I can take comfort in knowing that even the wise and peace loving Jesus didn’t much care for those harming children either:
But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. — Matthew 18:6 (NIV)
Now, personally, my take on this particular verse is that bringing any harm to a child means you’re better off dead. Not to get too theological or anything but children are basically innocent and an adult prodding them into a sinful activity is harming the child. With the passage worded the way it is as translated into modern English and taken in a void it would appear that the child is guilty of sin but I don’t take it that way and I doubt many people that have read through the Gospel a dozen or so times would either.
But, I digress, and if at this point in the post you’re thinking I’m still going to be wearing my “kinder, gentler, mellower” hat you’re wrong. You’ve been warned.
What prompted this post is that the Catholic Church is all butt-hurt (no pun intended) that people are calling BS on the practice of shuffling around child molesters to protect them and now it’s gone as high as the Pope. They’re comparing criticism of their actions to the persecution of the Jews.
Which is pretty much fucking insane.
I’m not a theologian, I never went to Seminary, and I never even went to Church all that much over the span of my life, but I’ve read the Bible a few times, especially the Gospel, and I’m pretty darned tooting sure that if you molest a kid and then go kill yourself Jesus will give you a thumbs up on that one. I know that statement might piss a lot of people off but if The Dude was down with you getting killed for getting a kid to commit a sin like, oh, lying, I’d bet His take on buggering an altar boy would be pretty harsh and not “Move to the next town, try again.”
Now, I’m using lying an example of sin there because it’s right there in the 10 Commandments. They’re often lauded as being the “serious” sins by some but I consider them God’s 10 Steps to a Long and Healthy Life. Sorry if that statement pisses anybody off, but that’s how I look at them. Stuff like child molestation didn’t even get an explicit mention. I suppose you could consider it under adultery but showing a kid a video of you buggering a donkey isn’t called out either. Technically not adultery.
Anyway, my point is that even ancient Man didn’t need to have that one spelled out to them. And we’re talking about people that fashioned themselves a golden idol to worship. Not exactly the most sophisticated bunch in the world and even they didn’t need to be told not to fuck children.
So, after all that, if you’re still with me, here’s my E&E idea for the Catholic Church. Many have proposed that dropping the celibacy requirements would help but I’m not so sure about that. I like concrete solutions to real problems and no wiggle room for failure.
Now, I assume y’all know the Vatican is technically its own country. Smallest country in the world. That means they get to set their own laws.
Step 1: Extradition. You find a guy with molestation charges after you’ve relocated him once extradite him to the Vatican.
Step 2: Execution. Millstone, rope, kiddie diddler, large body of water. Some assembly required. If you’re not sure how they fit together read what Jesus had to say.
If you think I’m off my rocker keep in mind that the above is toned way back from what I’d really like to see done to them. It’s a compromised plan to fit within the reality of today’s modern world because the only person to ever walk the peninsula we now call Italy that would have had the stomach to carry out my Plan A was Calligula and he’s long dead. Which is a good thing.
