Apparently in New Zeeland you can’t carry a nail clipper onto an airplane, but gassed up chain saws are OK!
Archive for the ‘Whacky News’ Category
The Chain Saw Loophole?
Monday, November 17th, 2008Sounds About Right
Thursday, October 11th, 2007On that story of the Cop trying to sue the family that almost lost their baby LawDog gives us a piece of his mind:
You [ed: her lawyer] two-bit, four-flushing, dirty, rotten, knee-biting, inbred vomitous mass.You meretricious, soul-less, microcephalic, forked-tongued carbuncle in the armpit of humanity.
Is your mother proud of this, or — as I suspect — did you spontaneously spawn as the gelatinous mass in the bottom of a used jock-strap bin, thus sparing any woman the utter humiliation of admitting that she failed to drown you as soon as she saw the cruel, debased and sadistic gleam in your porcine little eyes — you complete and utter vulture; you black-hearted, slime-trailing little invertebrate.
And that goes double for your client — who the hell do you think you are? You busted your knee, sad, but we’re in a rough line of work, princess, and anyone who told you any different Lied. To. You.
Who the hell are you to burden this family further? What kind of sociopathic, money-grubbing , cold-blooded parasite goes out of her way to heap insult onto tragedy?
Did some sulphur-reeking vermin from the lowest pits of hell crawl onto your shoulder and whisper sweet dreams of pieces of silver into one of your avaricious little ears — is that your excuse?
The good news: Officer Can’t Understand Normal Thinking has dropped the lawsuit after being suspended from work.
I’m gonna catch hell for that last one, but I couldn’t help it.
Dumb
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006A local school board was threatening to without the final payment to an artist after seeing the completed mural. They changed their position late today.
Good.
The issue at hand was that the final mural didn’t match the original sketch in some details. The uniform was a different shade of blue, the badge on the shoulder was slightly different, and the physique of the soldier was slightly less comic-like than the original sketch.
At least, that’s what I noticed when I looked at the side-by-side comparison while waiting in line at the gas station and reading the headline. The original looked too comic-like to me and in the final version the dude had that real-life look of a bad-ass drill instructor.
Then I read the article. The sketch had a white guy in it and the final version had a black guy.
Sigh.
I’m not an art-dude; I can’t even match my own clothes, but the sketch had a different background color than the actual gymnasium wall. In the real world it was very light colored, and if you’ve ever been in a high school gymnasium you’ll quickly notice that they’re lighted quite brightly.
It would have looked dumb to try and shoe-horn in a pale character onto that wall. The artist did a bang-up job if you ask me. Arturo Araujo is his name, and while I don’t have any plans to hire an artist for a mural I’d certainly consider him.
Damn. The final product looks GRADE A BAD-ASS!
Besides, the Hispanic and African-American students outnumber the white students by a long shot at that school. It fits a little better.
Get ‘em!
Thursday, June 29th, 2006Amish man arrested in OH for “selling” milk.
Long story short:
Amish man has milk producing cows.
Undercover cop asks Amish man for milk.
Amish man hesitates, then fills the man’s jug for him.
Undercover cop gives Amish man $2.
Amish man arrested for selling raw milk.
Maybe it’s just me, but when you’ve got enough spare manpower to begin conducting undercover investigations of the freaking Amish maybe it’s time to cut down on the number of employed police.
